Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My first STD was from a foam party
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
