In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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