I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
