Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
