I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bring me that man meat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
