I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
