I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
