I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
