Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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