Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
