apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize