My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
