yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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