No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
