I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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