my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
