Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
