just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh god it's open bar.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
