"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
