Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
