well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
