Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My feet surprised me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize