and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
