I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
