i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dicks are not precious.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
