I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
