Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize