ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
time to smoke my breakfast
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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