I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
