Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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