shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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