Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
