I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
