The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
