Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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