What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize