it hurts more in the daytime
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
