hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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