9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
