We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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