I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
