Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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