You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
