I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
