i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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