i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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