You can't special order awesome
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
