Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize