Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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