After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
