Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
