insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
