Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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