I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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