Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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