if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
