Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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