we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm passing your future prison.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
