wanna go halves on a baby?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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