Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
