You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
