you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
