but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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