why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
