i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize