I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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