I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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