She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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