I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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