Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
