Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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