I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
