non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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