So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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