I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize