the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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