I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
