You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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