I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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